Because she’s a glutton for punishment, Sara decides it’s finally time to “get back out there.” For the past two weeks she has spent a couple hours a day chatting online with guys who all complain about their last date (“she was crazy!”) and want to know her favorite color.
“Ecru,” she tells them.
“What’s ecru?” they ask.
“I have no idea,” she says.
One of the guys seems different. He’s a doctor. Smart. Well-read. His name’s Preston, for God’s sake. And he’s good looking to boot, a cross between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. She agrees to meet him for a drink.
The night of the big date, it’s cold outside. Sara’s wrapped in a Snuggie, and The Bachelor is on (“Tonight: eight women on the group date get in a fistfight, and three ladies are sent home!”). She considers canceling her plans, but Preston seems amazing, so she gets dolled up and heads out. Outside the bar where they’re planning to meet, she takes a deep breath, says a little prayer (“please let The Bachelor be available later on Hulu”), and enters. The place is half empty. Preston is nowhere to be found.
“Over here,” a guy calls from a table nearby. He’s a cross between George Costanza and Newman.
“The picture on my profile is a bit outdated,” he says with a grin.
The bartender sets a drink menu on the table and hands Sara a box containing three bottles of chocolates. “Online Dating Survival Kit,” he says. “On the house.”
“Just what the doctor ordered,” she says.
“I should probably clarify that I’m not really a doctor,” George Costanza says as he scans the menu.
“Uh huh,” she says, biting into a Milk Chocolate Sea Salt Carmelita. It tastes like heaven, like the kind of chocolate Mr. Darcy would give Bridget Jones. She looks at her watch and clutches the box. “I’ve got to run,” she says.
“What’s wrong?” George Costanza asks.
“Tonight’s a triple elimination, and I have no idea who gets injured in the fistfight. And I have to take my medicine.” She rattles the bottle and turns to leave. “Besides, my Snuggie isn’t going to wear itself.”
A tale that's all too familiar...if you or someone you know needs an ONLINE DATING SURVIVAL KIT-they are available here!